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Wednesday, 06 April 2011 00:00

Mommy, why did you have a heart to sell me?

(OBV): This article was written according to a record of conversation of OBV child with her relatives and written by a psychologist (OBV staff) when she interacted with this child. When witnessing it, we did not understand why either. The title of this article is also a question without the answer for an anguishing reality, and cannot be described by words.

Mom, when Aunt Nam asked you to call me, I intended to call "toi, ba" (as stranger) when I talked to you. But because of instinct of being your daughter, I forgot what I had thought! After talking in several sentences, I uttered the word "Mom" that every child in this world wants to call.

Since I was born, I was lack of love from parents. When I saw Aunt Nam's children gather with their family, I felt self-pity even though I was 13 years old. I saw them go to school, study, be taken and picked by their parents... How about me, Mom? They are protected while I always lived in scared and panic nerve – I was afraid that unsecured thing might happen to me –and that threat came from my parents.

Although I was little, I knew that "Even a wicked tiger never eats his cubs", but how about your daughter? Why did you have a heart to sell my tender body, sell my innocent soul, and sell my childhood? When I struggled to escape from disgrace and misery, why did you still have a heart to find all the ways to catch me back with a desire to sell me like my sisters? When you did not hit your mark, why did you have a heart to ask dad to catch and will kill me when you see me? You did not need to know the consequence that I would definitely face when your daughter was sold into prostitution? I think you know but you just pretend not to because you are not "Mom". As you are not "Mom",  so you sold my sisters, one by one.

I was injured badly. I suffered from psychological crisis. I hate you. I hate you as you put me to a nonplus, no way out. I hate you as you blocked the only exit that I was lucky to find out. You are living with money earned from my body. And I, I am dying; I am withering by your indifference and cruelty. My soul is not innocent like a 13 year-old kid. My thought is not naïve and nature like my peers. I am terrified with my current life. I am puzzled with my future. What will I be?

Everything has passed but if I had a wish, I still wish that terrible thing never happened, and I was just a kid as I was being. I still had a happy family even though life was tough. And one more important thing to me was I was loved, cared, coddled by my parents, I could be "proud" of a poor family but full of love.

Now, I know that I have to be strong to go through all difficulties. I know I need to be courageous to take care of myself now and in future. In front of my eyes is big cloud that blocks my way. However, I am not pessimistic, disappointed or let things run its course. I believe that when a cloud has gone, the sky will be clear again. And when all of the terrible things that happened to me are buried in my memory, I believe my life can be bright again.

Mom, I don't hate you anymore. I hope you will live in security and good health.

Your little daughter.

 

Written by Thien An

Translated by Tram Dang.  Original version in Vietnamese entitled "Mẹ Ơi! Sao Nỡ Bán Con?"

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